In a couple of years we’ll be tracking back to face-to-face workplaces, simply so we can be certain we’re dealing with real people, says Australian emotional intelligence (EI) guru Amy Jacobson.
After years of moving ever closer to electronic communication and now embracing AI, it’s got to the point where we are less certain who we are actually dealing with, she says.
When AI can replicate voices, be used to make fake videos, to doctor photos and to write letters, the human element is being lost in the murk – and if there’s one thing humans crave, it’s interaction with other humans.
There’s a reason solitary confinement is used as discipline, and is a punishment that often causes serious mental distress, Perth-based Jacobson says.
Jacobson recently released The Emotional Intelligence Advantage, a book that shows how to embed emotional intelligence into your workplace, touting it as a vital skill for modern leaders.
And rather than sensing a never ending move toward technical and electronic skills, she says emotional intelligence remains the secret to resolving workplace challenges.
“Human beings will always have their place, and they require connection and interaction, so we’re never going to lose that need,” she says.
“If anything, we’re going to need to reintroduce it, because we’re, at the moment, following the shiny new AI toy down the rabbit hole.
“We’re not quite going there yet. I reckon we’ll go a little bit like we’ll go further into AI first, because AI is like the shiny new toy. So that is a good 12 to 18 months of really going to AI.”
Once humans fully know what AI is capable of, they will reassess.
“Then our subconscious mind is going to go ‘well, now I don’t know what to believe, I don’t know what’s real and what’s not, so therefore I need that face-to-face, live meeting for that belief point of view’.”
Jacobson is an AI fan, saying it has its place. But there is a gradual realisation technology is a tool, not a replacement for people.
“We went through this whole thing before, when emails come out. We were doing everything via email and electronic messaging, then all of a sudden, all of these workplaces came out with this brilliant new idea – pick up the phone and call someone,” she says.
“We’re going to see this again with AI … we’re going to get to the point where we go, hang on a minute. We’ve lost our way. The only way that we can believe again is to be live, and face-to-face with humans.”
When you’re face-to-face you need to know how to interact, to get the best out of yourself and your staff.
If you’re the manager and your staff don’t understand what you’re getting at, that’s your fault and you need to accept that your communication could be to blame.
“It’s like hitting your head against a brick wall to try to force somebody to believe something … the more that you force them, the more they usually stick in, digging their heels and fight it,” she says.
Opposing views that differ from your own is human nature. The need to be “right” is embedded from childhood – the right answer, the right thing to do, good and bad, right and wrong.
Emotional awareness is about being able to see what makes you tick, and what drives the thinking of others. Not about having to be ‘right’.
“If I can get even one person’s mind to open up and have some level of awareness … for them to go ‘huh? maybe I should do some work in this space, maybe I’m not always right,’ … that’s what I’m doing it for.”
Difficult workmates with strong opinions need not result in confrontation, she says.
“You don’t have to agree with what they’re doing. You can look and go, the way they’re going about it …this is not the smartest way. It’s not the best way to do it, I don’t agree, I don’t believe in that.
“However, there is a reason why they believe it’s right. There’s a reason why they’re doing what they’re doing. Pushing back or telling them that they’re wrong is not solving the issue at all.
“People that are going to be open, to see it from a slightly different point of view, they’re more emotionally intelligent.
“They have the ability to dig deep into their minds and say ‘OK, what value or belief is driving my thoughts right now, and is it still valid?’ It might have been valid 20 years ago, but is it still valid today? I have the ability to change that and take control of it.
“People that don’t have a lot of skill to tap into their emotional intelligence will just say ‘it’s all too hard, this is what I believe, you are wrong, I am right’. Minds are always going to look for the easiest and quickest solution.
“You have to understand how you are wired, what is driving you and what you’re heading towards,” she says.
Her five-step framework is own it, face it, feel it, ask it, and drive it.
“Own it” involves self-awareness and accepting personal impact.
“Face it” addresses managing emotions.
“Feel it” focuses on empathy and understanding others.
“Ask it” highlights effective communication.
“Drive it” is about decisive action.
Our brains like certainty, she says. We have an emotional brain and a logical brain. Our emotional brain can simply reject reality, and cause us to fight for things that may not make sense to someone else.
“Every time our emotional brain takes control before our logical brain kicks in, it is driven by a fight-or-flight mechanism. So it doesn’t always have reality or logic coming into play, it’s very emotionally driven.”
Humans are prone to latching on to stories that make sense to us, that make us feel safe. If someone challenges us, we don’t like it and push back.
That was seen during Covid, then with discussions around whether to have the vaccine. It was a time when fear of the unknown kicked in, along with fear of loss of control, and fear of death.
“When we’ve got the fear of the unknown, we tend to latch onto anything, because our mind just wants an answer,” she says.
“When people read very strange, controversial opinions, they can think ‘OK, this makes sense, and it protects me, and it says ‘it’s not me, it’s them’.
“Then they don’t have to face reality, and they don’t have to accept ownership of it either, it’s somebody else’s fault. Somebody else is doing this to me, doing this to us, and we cannot control it.”
OK then, what if you are the employee rather than the manager? And what if your manager is set in their ways, how to you get them to be more emotionally intelligent?
“It comes down to you can’t make other people be emotionally intelligent. You can’t keep on looking at them and complaining or getting frustrated because you’ve chosen to stay and, that they are not going to change.
“At that point in time, you’ve got to go, it’s no longer their fault. You’re aware. You’ve tried, they’re not going to change, and you’ve chosen to stay. If you’ve chosen to stay, you’ve got to get over it.”
EI: because no algorithm knows what it’s like to work with Tim from accounts.
